A Dinner Invitation to Donald Trump

Mr. Trump, You Are Cordially Invited to Join Me
And a Small Group of Close Friends for:

Soup
Gazpacho is best shared with the musician son of a black Oklahoman alcoholic-turned-preacher. While dining with this young man, it will quickly turn out that, although you are intelligent, there is such a thing as ultra-intelligent, a piece of information that will both humble and inspire you. Your world will be filled with long forgotten hope. You will feel young again. Some of it's the soup. Gazpacho is a very refreshing soup.

Appetizer
A light crab claw appetizer should then be taken with the company of a 39-year-old Egyptian immigrant who is building a computer sales empire in America and donating millions of dollars to social programs in his Midwestern community. This man has a very informed global philosophy and a good heart, which will infect you with the blinding revelation that money does not necessarily corrupt. And those Egyptians really like their crab claws, so he, too, will benefit from the interaction.

Salad
Let your palette breathe with a simple house salad (dressing of your choice) and rich conversation with the German immigrant who came to America with $16 in the 1950s and found an economic environment that allowed him to build a significant piece of industrial infrastructure in a small town on his wits alone, providing jobs for hundreds of people. Ask yourself why this is so much harder to do in the 21st century. If you don't have anything to add to his stories, be quiet and try to pay attention. The longer he talks, the better they get.

Entrée
For the main course of seared duck breasts with blood oranges, I encourage you to focus on your spouse and ask yourself the following questions: "Is this my beautiful house? Is this my beautiful wife?" And "How did I get here?" Think, man, think.

Dessert
The choices of desserts and companions are yours, either flan or crème brûlée, taken with:

• The Irishman, whose roots grow deeper than you can possible imagine, and whose peace is deeper than you can possibly know. It's because there's green everywhere you look in Ireland. I keep telling everyone, it's the green. Learn from the Irishman. Maybe plant a potato garden when you get home.
• The young, film-director son of Vietnamese immigrants. He is poor sometimes, but it doesn't matter. He is not interested in your capitalist world. He is creating a different world, so prepare yourself and don't pretend you didn't see it coming when it gets here. He is that brilliant. If you were going to turn gay, this would be the one.
• The retired, Democratic politician. You'll learn how complicated it is to be a good statesman of any stripe, which will quell your political aspirations, once and for all. Or it will further entrench you in unwarranted self confidence because, although he is an example of ultra-ultra-intelligence, this intellectual stratum may currently be invisible to you.
• The Croatian refugee working as a graphic designer in Kansas, where she now has a hard time finding jobs because the economy is upside down. Her country has been exploited, her family's home long since torn down, yet she will make you laugh. Dessert should include conversation about her favorite liquors, followed by the consumption of those liquors. She will drink you nearly under the table, then politely move to another part of the table to join a more interesting conversation. You will inexplicably fall in love with the slavs.
• The Mexican housekeeper with three children who is studying nursing at night. Mexicans are the most polite and respectful people on Earth, so try to behave well. Never talk too loudly or otherwise make a public spectacle of yourself, and stop talking whenever she appears to have something to say. This is pretty basic stuff, if you think back to how you were raised. Or should have been raised.
• A homeless person. This is a fave among liberals, but it's a bit of a crap shoot. You may get someone with substance abuse problems that stem from things you could not possibly control in any society. But you may get a down-on-her-luck-but-brilliant manager for your next business enterprise. A lot of amazing people are out on the streets, right now, so be polite, sit up straight, and don't sell yourself short.
• Ala carte. Pick your dessert companion from some geographic region you don't understand, some bizarre walk of life: the atheist cellist from Czechoslovakia, the Muslim rapper who sends money to his family in Syria, the African insurance salesman who plays rhythm and blues gigs on the weekends, or the American-adopted Korean in search of her roots. Time spent with any of these people will make you feel rich in ways that, we can hope, will alter meaningfully alter your concept of wealth.

Please RSVP as soon as possible, Mr. Trump. But be warned, if you cannot eat at this table filled with my wonderful friends, we will not walk quietly into the nation you hope to build.